All The Bright Places

Finch, who is now in a manic state, calls Violet demanding that she leave school immediately to view another historical site, followed by visits to Kentucky, Illinois, Michigan, and Ohio. Violet, who is wearing a flower from Finch’s bouquet in her hair, points out that it is too late on a school night to leave on this adventure; she suggests the following Saturday as an alternative date. Finch is angry. He casually mentions that he was expelled from school, tells her that he would rather go on the trip alone, and hangs up on her. 

Finch drives to New Harmony, Indiana, hoping to see the Nest Houses that were woven out of saplings by a local artist. He is told that they were “eaten up” by the weather and elements. Once again, Finch is saddened by the memory of the cardinal who died after flying into the window of his family home many years earlier.

Upon his return home, Finch looks at himself in the bathroom mirror and thinks, “I am disappearing. Maybe I’m already gone.” He is fascinated by this occurrence. He enters his closet and tries to breathe quietly so that he does not “wake up the darkness.” The following morning, he deletes a phone message that Mr. Embry left for his mother, requesting that she call him back about an important situation. He returns to his room and enters the closet again, convinced that “if I leave, I will die” (277). Finch suffers from recurrent, intrusive thoughts telling him that he is broken and unlovable and that Violet will realize this shortly. 

Finch eats a silent dinner with his mother and Decca. Afterward, he swallows a bottle of sleeping pills that he finds in his mother’s medicine cabinet but finds that “[t]here’s no acclamation” (278), that this would not be a heroic demise. He leaves the house and runs to the local hospital, where he explains what has happened and requests treatment. He awakens hours later and is asked to complete paperwork. He realizes that he has identified himself as “Josh Raymond,” the name of his stepbrother. 

Realizing that hospital authorities will notify his parents of his overdose, Finch dresses and exits the facility when the nurse is distracted. He walks home alone. 

Finch attends a support group for suicidal teenagers called Life is Life, which meets in a town in Ohio. He is avoiding Violet because he does not want her to see his distraught emotional state. The counselor begins by talking about suicide statistics. The participants introduce themselves and think of a phrase related to “how good it is to be alive” (283). Finch uses Josh Raymond’s name instead of his own.

A latecomer arrives at the meeting. Finch is surprised to see Amanda Monk, one of the popular girls at school and Roamer’s girlfriend, who introduces herself as “Rachel.” She reveals that she’s bulimic and has made two suicide attempts. Finch realizes that he is the only person at the meeting who has not made a true suicide attempt; he thinks, “When I actually try, I’m not going to miss” (284). He finds the meeting heartbreaking and wants to disassociate himself from people who define themselves by the category of their mental illnesses. 

Finch chases after Amanda in the parking lot and assures her that he will not tell anyone about her presence at the meeting. She admits that she still contemplates suicide and tells Finch, “[N]ow you know that you’re not the only freak” (286). 

After three days of not hearing from Finch, Violet asks to borrow her mother’s car, although it is snowing. She lies and says that she wants to visit a girlfriend at the other side of town. She drives directly to Finch’s house and introduces herself to his mother. Kate enters the kitchen and puts one of her frozen casseroles in the oven, reminding her mother to listen for the timer.

Violet finds Finch in his bedroom, dressed in pajamas. She notes, “The room has been stripped bare, down to the sheets on the bed” (290). Finch explains that he has cleared out clutter and apologetically tells her that he is still not feeling well. 

He shows her his closet, which is stocked with his guitar, computer, books of musical staff paper, and a photo of Violet. Finch says that he is able to think better in the closet. He invites Violet to post “positive” words on the wall and “negative” words on the floor. The couple has sex in the closet; afterward, Violet feels that “he went away for a minute and only part of him came back” (293). He explains that he sometimes experiences “black moods” and tells her the story about the cardinal that flew into the window of the house, which was the cause of the first “black mood.” She realizes that he is living in the closet now. He tells her that this strategy has worked for him in the past, and that he will recover soon. 

Violet’s parents are unaware that she has resumed her relationship with Finch. She feels guilty when her father tells her he is proud that she drove to a girlfriend’s house after school; in fact, she was having sex with Finch in his bedroom closet that afternoon. 

This entry from Finch is sparse. It quotes a line by the Italian poet Cesare Pavese, who died by suicide: “The Cadence of suffering has begun.” A notation, assumedly made by Finch, appears in the format of one word per line underneath this quote, stating, “I am in pieces” (297). 

Amanda swears Violet to secrecy before telling her that she met Finch at the “Life is Life” support group for suicidal teens. She reveals that Finch told the group he had swallowed pills and received treatment at the hospital.

After school, Violet rides her bicycle to Finch’s house. When no one answers the door, she throws pebbles at his bedroom window to no avail. She contacts him on Facebook, and he asks that she come to his house the following evening to celebrate his birthday. 

When Violet arrives at Finch’s house the following evening, she finds him in his room and dressed in a suit. He has changed his persona again, and he appears older and more sophisticated than he has in the past. She tries to bring up the Life is Life meeting, but he seems so much more like himself that she is reluctant to do so. He has her close her eyes and, upon opening them, she realizes that the walls and ceiling of his room are painted with planets and stars. Finch has provided containers of Chinese food and a bottle of cold vodka. The couple discuss a variety of topics, but they avoid talking about Finch’s mental state. Violet gives him his birthday gift, which is a first-edition copy of The Waves by Virginia Woolf. 

After they eat, Finch launches into a philosophical explanation of black holes, noting that, “Being sucked into a black hole would pretty much be the coolest way to die” (305). When Violet reminds him that there may be nothing on the other side of a black hole, Finch retorts that there may be an unimaginable new world.

Violet tells Finch that he is the best friend that she has ever had, and then she weeps uncontrollably. She explains that she is worried about him and is aware that he attended the suicide support group meeting. She wants to help him, and he angrily explains, “I don’t need help” (106). He wants to be known as a person rather than a “compilation of symptoms” (107). He gives her a “hard, awful smile” (106). He tells her that the closet in which they are sitting is overly crowded and that he had warned her that his mood would change.

When Violet arrives home, she tells her parents the truth about her continuing relationship with Finch and asks for their help. She explains that Finch had saved her from jumping off the tower at school and that now, “he’s up on that ledge. Not literally” (308). Mrs. Markey leaves a phone message for Finch’s mother, and Mr. Markey contacts a friend who is a psychiatrist, hoping to get help for the boy.

The Markeys visit the Finch home the next day when Mrs. Finch does not return their calls. The psychiatrist speaks to Decca by phone, but Finch is not in his bedroom or his closet. Violet sends him a text apologizing for their argument. 

When she has not heard from him by the following Tuesday, Violet visits his home. Finch is not in his room or his closet; his guitar and Violet’s photograph are missing, as well. Decca tells Violet that Finch sometimes leaves in such a manner, but “He always comes back” (313). Violet notices that the car Finch drives, the Little Bastard, is gone as well. 

Finch writes a short entry in which he attempts to answer a question posed by the poet Robert Lowell, “Yet why not say what happened?” (314). The young man is unsure of the answer, as well as which of his feelings are real and which of his personas is genuine. He believes that during his time with Violet he was his “best self” and remembers the feeling of her hand in his own (315).