Firefly Lane

After a hectic day of regular chores and preparing for the recital, Kate hops in the car and realizes that she hasn’t showered or done anything to get herself ready. She runs back inside and quickly cleans herself up.

When they get to the auditorium, Kate helps the girls get ready backstage. Marah, in an increasingly rare drama-free moment, tells Kate that she’s happy Kate is there and that she loves her. In that instant, every crazy moment of Kate’s life is worth it.

Kate joins Johnny, the twins, and her parents in the audience, but Tully still hasn’t arrived. Just as the ballet teacher introduces the performance, Tully comes barreling into the auditorium, drawing everyone’s attention with her timing, her looks, and her fame. After the recital, Marah immediately heads to Tully, and a crowd forms around them. Tully tells Marah that she has a surprise for her and leads her out to a pink limousine. The limousine takes the family to a hotel suite filled with kids’ games, and all of the other girls from the recital are already there. Marah is thrilled, thanking Tully and telling her that she loves her. Kate chastises Tully for the extravagance of the party, and Tully gives her a bright smile that Kate immediately identifies as false. Before Tully can answer Kate’s question as to what is wrong, Marah comes over and asks Tully to take a picture with her and her friends. Kate fights the twinge of jealousy she feels.

On the way back to the Ryans’ house, Marah tells Tully that she loves her again, and Tully feels a swell of emotion. She thinks about how rarely she’s had those words said to her, and she regrets ever having thought that love would be waiting for her when she had time for it. At the house, Kate grabs Tully and some wine and goes outside to find out what is really going on. Tully wants to talk, but she doesn’t know where to begin. Tully explains that she knows that her time to have children has probably passed and despite her amazing career, she finds that it’s not enough. Returning to an empty home after a long workday isn’t fulfilling. Kate tells Tully that she has the power to change her life and teases her for complaining about being rich and famous. After they go to bed, Tully realizes that she never asked Kate about her life.

In November of 2002, the world is changed after 9/11, and fear permeates many people’s lives. However, everyday life remains largely unaffected. As Kate begins to prepare for the holiday season, which is even more hectic than the rest of the year, she sits in carpool waiting for Marah. When Marah comes out of school, she is alone; usually, she emerges with a gaggle of girls. Kate immediately knows something is wrong, but she must tread lightly as Marah has been loath to share things as she approaches her teenage years. During the drive, Kate tries to draw out what is going on with little success. At home, Kate asks Marah to bake cookies with her, figuring that she can work on her a bit more. When Kate suggests that they take some cookies to Marah’s friend Ashley, Marah reveals that Ashley has decided that she hates her, and Marah doesn’t know why. As Kate comforts her, she starts to give her some advice, but the boys arrive.

The next day, Kate surprises Marah and signs her out of school early. At a diner, Kate asks if Ashley is “still being mean” (314). When Marah says she is, and she still doesn’t know why, Kate tells her about her two best friends who suddenly turned their backs on her when she was a teenager. She also tells her that when she was feeling alone and friendless, she met Tully at the bus stop and made “the kind [of friend] that [doesn’t] purposely hurt your feelings or stop liking you for no reason” (314). When Marah asks how to make those kinds of friends, Kate tells her what her mother told her so many years ago: She has to be vulnerable. When someone hurts her, she has to “try again.” Kate also gives her a copy of The Hobbit, telling her that when she felt lonely, this book kept her company. She tells Marah that she hopes that if she ever feels alone, and she doesn’t feel she can come to her parents just yet, she will read this book and “let it take you away” (315). Marah thanks her and tells her that she loves her, and that moment is extraordinary to Kate. That instant is the reason she stayed home and “she wouldn’t trade [it] for anything” (316). 

In the spring of 2003, Tully is tired from her travels. When she finally gets home to New York, she finds that in the crowds of people who adore her, Tully feels completely alone. Unbeknownst to most, Tully is “quietly coming undone” (317). She hasn’t seen Grant in several months, and the last time they did see each other, he criticized her for wanting more, specifically from him. Tully does suddenly want more, and she wants a “real life,” but she also has a hard time imagining a life in which she isn’t rich and famous.

Tully walks through Central Park and sees Chad from a distance. As she approaches him, she thinks about how they loved each other, and how Chad “hadn’t stuck around to be told no” (319). She realizes that she wants to find love like Johnny and Kate’s. While talking to Chad, Tully tells him that Kate married Johnny, and Chad recognizes Tully’s loneliness. When a girl calls out to Chad, Tully turns to see his daughter and the woman he lives with. Chad wrenches her attention back to him and tells her that he wanted to be with her, but she didn’t want him—she wanted her dreams. Chad walks with her a bit, and Tully asks for advice, as she’s realizing that she hasn’t allowed love in her life or stopped to appreciate much of anything. Chad tells her that she does have people who care about her—a family. When Tully scoffs at Cloud’s role in her life, Chad tells her he was absent from his daughter’s life for a long time, but at some point, he realized he’d been away too long. As Chad parts from Tully, he tells her to light the world on fire (just as he wrote in a long-ago letter), and Tully sees what those words really mean for the first time: “they were both an encouragement and an indictment” (321).

For years, Tully has been able to tuck away hurtful memories. However, she cannot stop thinking about her encounter with Chad, particularly when he said she still had a chance to reconnect with Cloud. As Tully thinks about her mother more than she has in a long time, she starts to wonder if her mother’s many returns might mean something.

Tully takes two weeks off work and flies to the West Coast. Her first stop is the Ryans’ house, where she arrives unannounced. After the initial surprise at her arrival, everyone enjoys a nice afternoon and evening with Tully. When the kids go to bed, both Kate and Johnny want to know what’s going on. First, Tully reminds them that she saw Chad, and Johnny seems to understand what is going on, pegging Chad as her Moby-Dick. Tully finally says it aloud; she is “tired of being alone” (327), and she’s been thinking about Cloud. Tully tells them that she wants to find her mother, put her in treatment, and forge some kind of relationship with her. Kate cautions her that she has done many of these things before and Cloud has hurt her every time. Tully acknowledges that it is likely a bad idea, but she wants to go through with it, and she wants Kate to go with her. Kate can’t go, as she has various obligations. When Tully says she’ll go alone, Johnny suggests that she bring a film crew, pointing out that her fans will love the vulnerability of the story. Tully recognizes that her mother might humiliate her but figures the publicity might be worth it. Tully asks Johnny to be her producer, and when he agrees, Marah comes bounding out of the house asking if she can tag along. Kate isn’t comfortable with any of this, but she agrees, telling Tully, “Take my whole family if you want” (329).

Tully gets drunk and tells Kate that she trusts Johnny to protect her when they’re filming the reunion with Cloud. When Kate cautions her that he won’t, Tully is insistent that he will because he loves Kate. As Kate tucks her into bed, and the room spins, Tully tells Kate how lucky she is.

Johnny and Marah say goodbye to the family before heading out, and Tully feels a twinge of jealousy as she watches them. They drive to several locations, discovering that Cloud is no longer there. While grabbing dinner, Tully asks Johnny if he thinks they’ll find her mother, and Johnny cautions her that it’s impossible to make someone love you. He also tells her that he will not “pull back” with the story; he plans to film all of it, just like she did in Germany, so if she wants to back out, this is the time.

The next day, the group follows leads to a commune. After speaking to a couple of women, they discover that Cloud has moved on. Before they go to the next location, Tully feels anxious and stands apart from everyone. Johnny joins her and reminds her that she’s Tallulah Hart and her mother can’t hurt her. Johnny’s words are what she needs. Turning to the camera with tears in her eyes, she says that she still wants her mom to love her.

In the bedroom of a mobile home, Tully finds her mother, filthy and passed out. After being shaken awake, Cloud wants to know why Tully’s there and not off in New York “getting rich and famous” (336). Tully swells with pride at her mother’s acknowledgment of her success. When Tully says that her mother can’t possibly want to live like this, Cloud asks if she could go with Tully to get a bath and some food. Tully knows that agreeing could be dangerous emotionally, but she has waited her whole life for her mother to want to be with her, so she agrees.

As they ride back to Seattle, Tully thinks about how her mother’s addiction might be to blame for their problems, and how helping her mother through rehab could be the start of a new relationship. They check into a nice hotel, and everyone heads to bed. Marah stays with Tully, and as they go to sleep, Marah complains about her mother. Tully says that Kate is her best friend and that she is amazing. Marah finds Tully’s comment ridiculous, and Tully explains that Kate is the coolest mom because she loves Marah and is proud of her.

Tully gets up early and goes to buy her mother some new clothes and food. She’s back at the hotel by nine o’clock, but when she goes to collect her mother, she finds the room empty. Tully feels “like that ten-year-old girl again, abandoned on the Seattle street. Worthless and unwanted” (341). Johnny hugs her, and Tully sinks into his comfort, but when she remembers that the camera is on her, she forces a smile and says that’s the end. As Tully tries to pull herself together, angry at herself for thinking this was going to work, she notices that her mother stole her jewelry. Tully immediately calls Kate, who guesses what transpired and tells Tully to come to her so she can take care of her. When Tully hangs up, feeling a bit better, she sees that everything has been filmed. Tully knows that she will feel humiliated when the footage airs, but what makes her cry is that Johnny is looking at her in a “sad, knowing way” (342).

When the documentary airs, it is a huge success, increasing the public’s adoration of Tully. When Kate watches it, she sees the way that Johnny and Tully interact, but after watching over and over, she realizes that what she sees is just “two old friends working together on an emotional documentary,”(344), so she tries to end old jealousies (344).

After the documentary’s success, Tully gets the offer to host her own show. She takes the offer, but before checking with the Ryans, she says that the show must be in Seattle and that Johnny must be her producer. At first Johnny says no, but when Tully mentions the salary is “in the millions,” Johnny wants to take the job (344). Kate asks if he should work for Tully, insinuating the dangers of being close to such a beautiful woman with whom he shares a past. Johnny is angry at the suggestion and storms upstairs. As Kate follows him, she wonders why some fears, insecurities, and “memories could never be erased” (345). Kate knows that this is an important opportunity and her insecurity shouldn’t get in the way. She also knows that Johnny loves her. As she goes into the bedroom to apologize, Kate thinks that she should be happy, but instead she is fearful.

After Tully is established in Seattle, she realizes that she’s been working such long hours that she hasn’t seen much of Kate, so she calls her and invites her and Marah to spend the day with her. Kate tells Tully that she has other obligations, so Tully pushes to have Marah come by herself. When Tully picks up Marah, Marah immediately complains about her mother. Tully tells her that she’s going to take her for a makeover, and Marah says she’s awesome. Tully says, “We both are. That’s why we’re a perfect team” (347).

Tully’s show, The Girlfriend Hour, is a hit from the start, and Tully revels in becoming a “bona fide star” (349). While prepping for a celebrity interview episode, Johnny brings Marah in to spend the day with Tully for a “take-your-daughter-to-work segment” (349). When Tully jokes that Johnny has to tell her she’s perfect, he responds, “The whole world thinks you’re perfect” (349). Tully doesn’t know how to take this comment, as she is instantly reminded of what has and could have transpired between them.

During the first week of September, Tully goes with Kate to drop the twins at kindergarten for the first time. Tully brings up Kate’s writing, and Kate immediately balks, making various excuses for why she’ll start later, but Tully pushes, saying that Kate seems tired and like she needs something else in her life. Kate is shocked that Tully has noticed her depression, so she comes clean. She feels like she should be happy with what she has, but somehow, it’s not enough. Tully tells her that she must fight for whatever it is that will make her feel whole, and Kate jokes that this is coming from the person who borrows her family. They agree that Kate will “think about writing” if Tully will think about letting go and “falling in love” (352).

Kate is overwhelmed with finishing the work she promised to do for the Halloween Carnival. She knows that Johnny, her mother, and Tully expect her to dedicate some time to writing a book, but she doesn’t have any time, so she puts her head down and keeps moving, hoping that people don’t notice the toll it’s taking on her. It seems that from the moment she wakes up in the morning, it is a “whirlpool of other people’s needs” (353). While she’s working feverishly to complete the projects, Marah calls and asks for a meeting with Kate, Johnny, and Tully. Kate is suspicious as to the purpose of this meeting and tries to figure it out over the course of the evening, but Marah won’t say anything.

At six o’clock, Tully arrives for dinner. When Kate asks if she knows what’s going on, Tully says, “I hardly know anything” (354). After dinner, with the boys upstairs, Marah tells her parents that she wants to go to a modeling conference in New York City. When Kate starts to point out the issues with Marah’s plan, Tully offers to pay for the trip. Kate stands firmly against it, and Johnny backs her up. Marah storms upstairs. When Johnny goes to talk to Marah, Kate turns angrily to Tully, telling her that while Tully can have fun with Marah, Kate’s job is to keep her safe. Tully says that sometimes it’s important to take risks. Kate tells her that her teenage daughter is not going to a “scam” conference in New York with Tully. Tully is hurt, but Kate doesn’t give in to her. As a final blow, Tully tells Kate that Johnny is worried about Kate and Marah’s relationship. Hurt, Kate tells Tully to leave because it’s a family affair. Tully says, “I thought I was family,” to which Kate responds, simply, “Goodnight” (357). 

Tully is upset and drives to the Mularkeys’ house. When Tully tells Mrs. Mularkey that Kate is mad at her for intervening with Marah, Mrs. Mularkey tells Tully that Kate is right to protect her. Tully argues that Marah could be rich and famous if given the chance, but Mrs. Mularkey counters that there are things that would have to be sacrificed to achieve wealth and fame, namely Marah’s “childhood, her innocence, her family” (360). Tully continues that she is worried about Marah and how much she hates her mother, but Mrs. Mularkey points out that Tully should be more worried about Kate. Tully needs to be Kate’s best friend and only take her side, if she takes sides at all. Mrs. Mularkey reminds Tully that Marah is not her daughter, and Tully realizes that a part of her got so tangled up in this argument because she has been pretending that she is; after all, Marah is a lot like her, and she adores Tully. Mrs. Mularkey advises Tully to “quit trying to be Marah’s best friend and be there for Katie” (361).

As Kate stands in her backyard, she laments how quickly her kids are growing up. She goes inside, catching the twins up past their bedtime, and reads them another bedtime story. When Kate goes to her room, Johnny brings up Tully and Kate’s argument. Kate complains to Johnny that she is always the one to give in and make the move to fix things, but she knows that this will never change. As Kate snuggles with Johnny before sleep, she thinks about the comfort of his arms and understands why Tully is the way she is—without love, she has “grown selfish.” Kate makes the decision to focus on the many years of their friendship and let this argument go, too.

Weeks later, Marah is still angry about the modeling trip and is giving her mother the cold shoulder. Kate gets a phone call from Marah’s school saying that Marah is not in class. Kate knows immediately what is going on, so she heads to the movie theater, where a new teen movie has just debuted, and drags her daughter and her friends to the car. Marah is mortified. As they pull up to the school, Marah tells her mother, “Tully would understand [...] Dad would understand [...] He knows how much movies and modeling mean to me” (368). Kate dials Johnny and hands Marah the phone so she can tell him, and Marah is disappointed at Johnny’s obvious displeasure that she skipped school. When Kate tells her that maybe next time she’ll think a bit more, Marah tells her that when she’s famous she’s going to give all the credit to Tully because Tully actually believes in her. Kate tells her that she believes in her, but Marah says that she’s going to move in with Tully when she can.

After a hostility-filled shopping trip to buy Marah’s school clothes, Marah reveals to her mother that she just wants to fit in, and Kate melts a little because she knows how that feels. Kate apologizes for how often they fight and offers to sign Marah up for the modeling class in Seattle that she has been wanting to take. After Marah gives her a hug and runs inside, Kate wonders if she’s made a mistake. She’s worried about Marah in an industry that is so focused on physical beauty. She’s also concerned about “all that lay beneath the surface of the modeling world” (372) and the loss of Marah’s childhood. When Kate’s mother calls, her mother notes the telltale sign of having a teenage daughter: exhaustion. Kate apologizes to her mother for all the grief she gave her, and Mrs. Mularkey tells Kate that she knew Kate was sorry well before Kate did.

Kate goes into Marah’s room and apologizes to her for how often they fight. She explains that they fight either because Kate loves her so much or because Marah has really made her angry. Kate tells her that Marah taught her what love really is, and she wants to do something special with her, so she invites her to the anniversary party for The Girlfriend Hour. They will spend the day together getting ready and then attend the party. Marah is thrilled, and Kate leaves her room with a smile, which Johnny notices right away. When Kate tells him the plan, he’s pleased, and she feels hopeful that it might help shorten the distance between herself and her daughter.

As Tully looks around the hotel ballroom, she should be thrilled that so many people have shown up to honor her. However, she can’t help but think that none of them actually know her. She feels lonely, and when she sees that the Ryans have not yet arrived, she starts to drink.

Kate and Marah have a wonderful day together getting ready for the party. Afterward, as they stand looking in the mirror, Marah thanks her mother. Kate is thrilled that they spent the day together without fighting and revels in this show of affection from her daughter.

In the ballroom, Kate immediately notices that Tully seems a bit unsteady. Tully tells Johnny that they will have to give a speech after dinner and that he will have to help her get the dancing started, too. When Johnny asks if she has a date, Tully grabs Marah and says that she will be her date. Tully takes Marah away, and Kate is deflated at having lost the chance to enjoy the evening with her daughter. Throughout the night, Kate watches Tully pretend Marah is her own daughter, and she watches as Tully charms everyone in the room. Kate tries to stay calm, but she thinks about how it’s “impossible to compete with Tully,” and she rushes to the bathroom to get away (378). In line, everyone is talking about how amazing Tully is and how Tully’s daughter treats her so nicely. In hearing that, Kate realizes how silly she was to pin “her happiness to a teenage girl’s chest” (378). She also knows that she shouldn’t feel “hurt and excluded” on Tully’s night, but after working hard to be beautiful for Johnny and Marah, she’s paled next to Tully again (378). 

Tully feels a bit drunk as she thanks the crowd. When they start off the dancing, the band plays “Crazy for You,” Kate and Johnny’s wedding song. Tully thinks back to the first time she danced with Johnny and wonders if, had she let herself love him, she would have him and Marah. As they dance, Tully asks, “What happened to us?” (380). Johnny wonders if there was an “us” and stops dancing but doesn’t let her go. Johnny tells Tully that Kate thinks he still has feelings for her, and despite knowing that it is a bad idea, Tully asks if he does.

As Kate returns to the party, she hears “Crazy for You,” which always makes her smile. Kate sees Tully hanging on Johnny, looking at him “as if she’d just asked him to take her to bed,” and she feels immediately nauseous (381). When the song ends, Johnny turns and sees Kate, and she starts to cry as she runs out of the room. Johnny catches her in the elevator and tells her she’s being ridiculous. Kate goes into their room and slams the door. When Johnny doesn’t follow, she wonders if he’s gone back to Tully, but she knows that even if he does still have feelings for Tully, he’s a good guy and wouldn’t do that. She goes out in the hallway and finds Johnny sitting there. She apologizes and acknowledges that Johnny would never betray her. She asks Johnny to dance, and as they dance, she drops her dress to the ground. They enter the room fumbling with their clothing and immersed in their passion.

Two weeks later, Tully continues to feel like something is missing. Moving to Seattle and getting her own show didn’t do the trick as she thought it might. To try to make herself feel better, Tully tells Johnny that she wants to do a live show. Johnny is hesitant, but ultimately, after she admits that she needs more, he concedes. Tully wishes that she could talk to Kate, but Kate seems busy lately, and they haven’t really connected since the anniversary party. Tully prepares feverishly for the live show, and when the day comes, she is nervous like she hasn’t been for years. The show includes a family confronting their alcoholic mother, and Tully believes that helping these people will fill her void.

That November, Marah comes home excited that a junior boy has asked her to go to a concert with him. Kate and Johnny point out that the concert is on a school night and she’s too young to go. Marah storms up to her room, lamenting the strictness of her parents. Kate feels bad for Marah, remembering how she wanted to act older when she was a teenager, too. After making dinner, Kate goes up to talk to Marah, but when she gets to her room, she discovers that it’s empty. Kate calls down that Marah is gone, and she and Johnny run outside and see her path down the trellis.

Tully looks out from her penthouse balcony and wonders what the Ryans are doing. She tries to stop herself because thinking about them makes her lonely. When she goes inside, Johnny calls to see if she has heard from Marah. As Tully tells him no, the front desk buzzes: Marah is there. Johnny is relieved, and he and Kate head over.

When Marah comes in, Tully tries to talk to her about what is going on. Marah says she hates her mother and can’t wait to get away from her. Tully is struck by Marah’s vehemence, but she is flattered when Marah says she wishes Tully was her mother. When Marah explains that her mother won’t let her go to a concert, Tully tries to tell her that being alone with teenage boys can be dangerous, but Tully stops short of saying more and offers to take all the kids in a limo and be the chaperone.

When Johnny and Kate arrive, Johnny immediately lights into Marah. Marah says that Tully has offered to take them to the concert, but Johnny calls Tully a moron and announces they’re going home. Tully is struck by how small and defeated Kate looks. The only thing Kate says to her, and with little emotion, is to ask her to avoid promising things to Marah before checking with them because “it just makes it harder” (393). When Tully tries to talk to her, Kate brushes her off, saying she’s just too tired.