In My Dreams I Hold A Knife

In the basement, Frankie tells Eric that Jack killed Heather, but Eric and Jessica stick up for Jack, saying that he’s innocent. Eric announces that Frankie has a secret, and then Courtney tells everyone that Frankie took Heather back to her dorm the night she died. Sobbing, Frankie admits that he hurt her.

Jessica and her friends are leaving a Halloween party at Phi Delt house. They come upon two seniors drawing Xs on the eyes of a student named Danny, who recently came out as gay. Jack, Coop, and Jessica stand up to the two students. As they leave, Frankie reveals he agrees with them: the gay student doesn’t belong in Phi Delt. Frankie’s opinion disturbs Caro, Coop, Jack, and Jessica. The friends stay to clean off the Xs. Later that night, Jessica snoops around Phi Delt, hoping to find Coop still up. But she sees Jack and Frankie instead, who are discussing being gay themselves. When they kiss, Jessica tries to leave quietly but falls, and they turn to face her knowing what she saw.

In the basement, Courtney reveals that she asked Frankie to take Heather home because she wanted to stay at the Sweetheart party. Frankie then tells the group about putting Heather in Jessica’s bed because it was the closest, and Heather was very drunk.

Eric asks Frankie why he threatened to jump off a bridge that night, something he found out in his years of investigative work on his sister’s case. Frankie explains that Heather had wanted to discuss her breakup with Jack, as Jack told her not only that he was cheating on her but also that he was bisexual. Being Jack’s lover, Frankie already knew this. Overwhelmed with shame for hurting Heather and feeling he would never have the courage to come out, Frankie admits to being rough with her when he put her to bed. She started to fight back and hit her head when she fell.

Hearing Frankie admit to his affair with Jack, Mint becomes furious, feeling as if he was kept in the dark by his best friend. Eric responds to Frankie’s story by telling the group that Heather didn’t fight back because she had been drugged with something similar to a street drug going around campus at that time called “tweak.”

During rush, Jessica is determined that her sorority, Phi Kappa, will get the best recruits to put Chi Omega in their place. Jessica remembers how she was chosen as salutatorian of her high school two years prior. Jessica and Madison, her main competition for the role, were the last students left in the classroom for their final exam before winter break. This exam would decide who was chosen. Jessica watched as Madison unknowingly dropped a sheet of the test, and Jessica said nothing. When she found out she was to be salutatorian, Jessica realized that sometimes doing nothing when confronting a moral decision got her what she wanted.

The competition between Kappa and Chi O hinges on one student considered the “holy grail” of pledges, Amber Van Swann, who is rich, beautiful, and dating a Phi Delt. Amber chooses Chi O, devastating Jessica. It seems like one more victory that Heather and Courtney have over her.

When Jessica hears that Amber is featured in a sex tape, she wants to publicize it to humiliate Amber and Chi O. Caro talks her out of it, wanting instead to stick to a “girl’s code” and tell Amber about the tape, which her boyfriend shared with his friends. Jessica, Caro, and their other Kappa friend decide to do nothing. Two days later, someone else exposes the video, and Amber transfers from Duquette. This is another example of Jessica getting what she wants from doing nothing rather than doing what’s right.

The college friends leave the basement of Phi Delt, heading back to the party. Frankie, however, can’t go back in because he is too affected by the conversation about Heather’s last night. He returns to his hotel for an early night since he—as the only Duquette football player to turn pro—is the grand marshal of the homecoming parade the next day.

When Mint sees Courtney surrounded by her Chi O friends, he offers to buy Jessica a drink. He tells Jessica he misses her, and she returns the sentiment. Jessica, noticing how upset Mint was at Frankie’s revelation, wants to know if he’s bothered by Frankie’s sexual orientation. Instead, he says that Frankie, as his best friend, made him look like a fool for not telling him. It reminds him of his father’s weakness in the face of his mother’s cheating. Mint feels humiliated.

When Courtney sees Mint and Jessica speaking intimately, she walks up questioningly, and Jessica—tired of her attitude—makes a snide remark. Courtney responds by saying that she won Mint fair and square. Jessica looks around and sees that the bystanders want her to win the argument. “They aren’t rooting for” Courtney, she realizes. Mint pulls Jessica away, putting an arm around her waist, which feels like a moment from one of Jessica’s fantasies. But then she sees Coop walking alone into the night. Stuck between them, she doesn’t know whom to choose.

Jessica sits across from Mint at a fancy restaurant, thinking he is about to propose. She has moved to New York City to live with Mint. While he goes to law school, she works an entry-level job at Coldwell as a consultant. Since Heather’s death, he has clung to her, and their relationship has never been better in her eyes.

Instead of proposing, Mint tells her that their relationship is not working and that he cheated on her with Courtney. He’s leaving Jessica. She begs him to stay, telling him that she doesn’t care that he cheated. Jessica gets on her knees in the middle of the restaurant, pleading with him not to leave her. She sees only disgust in his eyes.

Jessica chooses Coop, following him into the trees. He tells her that the dealer he worked for in college threatened her life and his, forcing him to sell tweak. He explains that he ran from them the night Heather died and unintentionally led them right to her suite. Since Eric revealed there was a “tweak-like” drug in Heather’s system, Coop is convinced the dealers killed Heather for revenge. He wants to confess. Jessica begs him not to say anything.

Jessica prepares cut vegetables to make homemade pizza at Coop’s house. Because Mint is out of town, they have a weekend to spend together. Coop wants to bring Jessica home for Thanksgiving. He tells her he loves her and wants her to say it back. He wants her to break up with Mint and be his girlfriend out in the open. He wants all of her.

Jessica admits to herself that, despite her yearning for Coop, she loves being a power couple with Mint more. She is afraid to give it up. She brings up Coop’s drug dealing. He tells her he has quit. As they begin to kiss, two men break into the home. The men threaten Coop and Jessica, explaining that Coop can’t stop dealing drugs. They now expect him to sell tweak in addition to weed and ecstasy. “You don’t get to walk away” (143), they tell Coop. Afraid, Jessica feels it will never be “right” between them.