The Bodyguard

“Your pulse is elevated, your eyes are bloodshot, and your makeup is smeared. Your speech is rapid, and your voice is hoarse. You haven’t brushed your hair, your hands are shaking, and you’re out of breath. You’re a mess. So go home, take a shower, eat some comfort food, grieve the death of your mom, and then figure out some goddamned hobbies—because I guarantee you this: You’re sure as hell not going anywhere until you get your shit together.”

This quote of Glenn’s shows how little sympathy Hannah thinks he has for her, even as he is claiming to be sympathetic by forcing her to take a break. Like Hannah, Glenn puts work above all else, but while she wants to work regardless of the circumstances, Glenn does not want any of his agents to be emotionally compromised by tragedies in their personal lives. This quote also catalogs the callous nature of the many observations that the EPAs make due to their training, and the style is similar to many of Hannah’s own analyses of others throughout the novel.

“We’re very dismissive, as a culture, about heartbreak. We talk about it like it’s funny, or silly, or cute. As if it can be cured by a pint of Häagen-Dazs and a set of flannel pajamas. But of course, a breakup is a type of grief. It’s the death of not just any relationship—but the most important one in your life. There’s nothing cute about it.”

In this quote, Center subverts common narratives about breakups which often rely on simplistic and occasionally sexist stereotypes. This statement complicates the reputation of contemporary romance novels as stories solely about happy endings, instead shifting the focus to what Hannah has to bear in order to be happy with Jack at the novel’s end. Different forms of grief are a motif throughout The Bodyguard, and this example of it contrasts greatly with Hannah’s grief over losing her mother.

“I’d never have admitted it—least of all to myself—but I did have what you could describe as a perfectly normal, nonpathetic, comfortingly mild, not-at-all creepy little crush on him.”

Hannah’s refusal to admit that she has a crush on Jack and her subsequent softening and normalizing of her feelings both serve to show just how impossible she thinks it is that she could ever date someone like him. Even though she does have a crush on him—something a bodyguard is never supposed to feel for her client—Hannah tries to downplay her emotions by grouping herself with everyone else who has fallen in love with the superstar from afar. This early quote also can be compared to Hannah’s later comparison of herself with one of Jack’s stalkers as she thinks that both of them have an equal chance of getting Jack to like them. Such imagery reinforces her belief that she is too ordinary and unlovable to be worthy of the extraordinary movie star.

“I could see why Jack would want to do it this way. When my mom was sick, I’d been all about bolstering her spirits, and keeping her hopes alive, and protecting her from despair. I got it. The idea that Jack might be in danger could be very stressful. It’s hard enough being sick.”

This is one of the first times that Hannah sees any commonalities between herself and Jack, as they have both had to deal with the anxiety of caring for a sick parent. So far in the novel, Hannah has been a stickler for the rules and does not want to go along with any of the machinations of the men around her for this assignment. Yet here, she begins to soften and shows empathy for Jack and his family, foreshadowing her growing tendency to care about the Stapletons as she would her own family.

“I needed to go far away, not get further trapped in this same spot. I needed to resuscitate my real life, not double down on a fake one.”

This is another instance showing Hannah’s instinct to run away from her past and her problems. Ironically, what she calls her “real life” is actually just her method of avoidance, and readers later see how the “fake life” she has on the ranch brings out more of her true self and helps her move forward with her life.

“Wow. There was something so inspiring about being so underestimated.”

Several times in The Bodyguard, and very directly in this scene when Doc underestimates her ability to shoot a rifle, Hannah is motivated and driven to action by being underestimated, especially when it calls her skill as a bodyguard into question. Even when she knows that demonstrating her proficiency with firearms could blow her cover, she feels compelled to prove Doc wrong, emphasizing her need to ensure that no one uses stereotypes to justify thinking so little of her. Ironically, however, Hannah often underestimates herself, which causes her to avoid pursuing what she wants in her personal life.

“People who want to be famous think it’s the same thing as being loved, but it’s not. Strangers can only ever love a version of you. People loving you for your best qualities is not the same as people loving you despite your worst.”

This quote of Jack’s brings him and Hannah closer together and highlights what makes their relationship different than most of his others: Hannah’s desire to see the real Jack. As she does everything she can to avoid falling in love with him, Hannah unknowingly proves to Jack that she loves him despite his worst qualities, in sharp contrast with the artificial adoration he gets from being famous.

“Maybe it was because Robby had just weaponized this whole setup against me, but now I couldn’t see anything Jack did as real. There he was, with a shy half smile, looking down at my sneakers and leaning in toward me—just textbook bashfully…and I could only see it as calculated, and constructed, and hollow, and fake. And the fact that he was faking it so well—that I hadn’t even been able to tell the frigging difference—was just humiliating.”

This cataloging of the elements of Jack’s performance shows how Hannah’s observant nature as a bodyguard can be detrimental in her real relationships. Here Hannah shifts her relationship with Jack back into that of EPA and client as she convinces herself that she has been fooled by Jack’s acting. This also shows how Hannah is beginning to be negatively influenced by other perspectives—even Robby’s—as her tendency to feel affection for Jack despite her misgivings causes her to doubt herself and her professional judgment.

“I didn’t know what to do with the sadness that was soaking into my heart. It felt so full, I could wring it out like a sponge. What did people do with sadness like this? How did they dry it out?”

This metaphor shows how Hannah is beginning to fully absorb the blows dealt to her in her past, rather than just avoiding them. When she finally sits with her emotions instead of pushing them aside, Hannah recognizes that this experience is entirely new to her, and none of her training tells her what to do next. The two rhetorical questions at the end of the excerpt are also further evidence of Hannah beginning to question her own perspective and seek the opinions of others.

“Once we parted, there’d be no way to get in touch with him. He’d disappear behind that curtain of fame that separates celebrities from everybody else, and I’d disappear into my workaholic, on-the-run life. If this really was the last time I’d ever see him, then this was my only chance to tell the truth, and I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life regretting everything I should’ve said.”

Though Hannah does not tell Jack the truth about her feelings for him at this moment, this quote depicts how much she is at war with herself regarding this internal issue. It also shows how black and white her view of the situation is, which is symbolized by the curtain she sees separating the two of them once they go back to their seemingly incompatible lives.

“He had meant something to me. He had mattered to me. He had taught me things I didn’t know I needed to learn. My time with him had changed me, and I was grateful. I wanted him to know that. This was my only chance to say it … But I chickened out. It was too unprofessional. It was too scary [...] That was me, apparently: scared of cows, and scared of love.”

This is another instance of Hannah’s logic being at war with her emotions regarding how much she should tell Jack about her feelings for him. The quote also shows how Hannah is just beginning to acknowledge that Robby and Taylor were right that she was too afraid to let Robby get close enough to love her. This foreshadows her full realization of her own issues with intimacy: a realization that will only hit her when Robby tries to get back together with her in the following chapter.

“The point is: No, I wasn’t going to unpack these boxes. I wasn’t going to go to Ikea and buy throw pillows and arrange house plants in colorful Scandinavian pots. I wasn’t going to nest. I was going to let my life in Houston feel as sad and sterile and unwelcoming as possible, for as long as possible, so I would have nothing at all to make me yearn to stay here.”

After Hannah leaves the ranch, she reverts back to her old ways of trying to run from all of her problems. Though she is conscious of the reasons behind her actions at this point in the novel, she still sees escape as the only option and designs her new life and apartment to fit with this version of herself. Though it is technically a new start, her new apartment still symbolizes everything that held her back in her old life.

“But I was mesmerized by her. The perfection. The otherworldly beauty. She didn’t have a bump, or a lump, or a nonsymmetrical place on her body. She could have been built in a factory—and, okay, she probably was. I mean, sure, she was a poster child for cosmetic surgery … but it was good cosmetic surgery. I had to hand it to her. She was a work of art.”

Hannah’s first comprehensive description of Kennedy Monroe reveals how much she has internalized others’ views of her “ordinary” appearance. Contrasted with Kennedy’s “otherworldly beauty,” Hannah feels plain and cannot help but be “mesmerized” by the woman she thinks Jack actually loves. This quote also contrasts with Kennedy’s later description of Hannah’s appearance and further paints the actress’s character in a bad light as she cannot be even an unwilling admirer like Hannah is for her.

“I thought about Jack. I thought about the piggyback ride he gave me back from the river. I thought about what it felt like to make him laugh. I thought about how I rooted for him every time he tried to shoot something into the kitchen trash and missed. I thought about the buzz of fear that went through my body when he somersaulted off Clipper, as if Jack breaking his neck might break mine, too. I thought about the full-body bliss of waking up in his bed, tangled under his weight. I thought of the crackling agony in my body as I’d looked for him in vain that last night to say goodbye. I thought of the roiling, dark-green jealousy just now at watching Kennedy Monroe slathering her undeserving self all over him.”

These thoughts about Jack come in the middle of Hannah’s conversation with Robby when she finally realizes that there was never any true love between them. Contrasted with her earlier feelings for Robby, which are not described in much detail in the novel, Hannah can remember all of the emotional and sensory details of her experiences with Jack, both positive and negative.

“I think just because you can’t keep something doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it. Nothing lasts forever. What matters is what we take with us. I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to escape. I’ve spent too much time on the run from hard things. But now I wonder if escape is overrated. I think, now, I’m going to try thinking about what I can carry forward. What I can hold onto. Not just only always what I have to leave behind.”

Concisely summarizing the most important lesson she learns in the novel, Hannah’s speech at the Thanksgiving dinner shows just how much her perspective has changed during her time spent with Jack. Though it also shows that Hannah still wants to move forward, it is clear that she no longer wishes to run away or escape from her problems.

“‘The whole world thinks you chose this’—she gestured at me—‘over this’—she put a hand on her hip and lifted her boobs like she was going to set them on a shelf. Even I had to admit she had a point. What was the upside of looking like her if somebody who looked like me could—in semblance if not in fact—convince Jack Stapleton to cheat on you? I got it. It violated the natural order of things.”

Kennedy’s speech greatly contrasts with Hannah’s earlier sharing of what she is thankful for, as well as Hannah’s first description of Kennedy in Chapter 26. Her description of “the natural order of things” also shows how much Hannah has internalized negative opinions of herself and her appearance, as well as how they are so socially ingrained in women’s minds that she cannot see anyone disagreeing with Kennedy. This scene reveals how much of a dichotomy there is between Kennedy and Hannah, not because of their appearance but because of their comparably unhealthy levels of confidence that lead them to think either too much or too little of themselves.

“I know I’ve already confessed my insecurities about whether or not I was lovable. But those were deep, subtle issues. I need to point out here that most of the time, in my life, I walked around feeling reasonably confident. I was good at my job. I was a nice person. I had good hair. If this had been a regular man saying he liked me, I’m pretty sure I would have thought that sounded plausible. Why not, right? But this wasn’t—I think we can all agree—a regular man.”

Hannah’s personal insecurities are only heightened by Jack’s status and her conviction that he comes from an entirely different world than she does. Though Hannah starts to find commonalities with him early on, this quote shows that at this late stage in the novel, she still has yet to realize how intrinsically worthy she is as a person and how Jack is merely a person as well, not a superhuman movie star.

“When you’re not around, even for a little while, I feel like I have to go find you. I just feel this pull to be near you. I want to know what you’re thinking, and what you’re up to, and how you feel. I want to take you places and show you things. I want to memorize you—to learn you like a song. And that nightgown, and the way you get so cranky when I leave my stuff all over the place, and the way you tie your hair back in that crazy bun. You make me laugh every single day—and nobody makes me laugh. I feel like I’ve been lost all my life until now—and somehow with you I’m just…found.”

Detailed confessions of love are integral to the contemporary romance genre and often attempt to put into words the bigger feelings that have developed over the course of the novel. Jack’s confession to Hannah does this while also showing her how unique she is compared to the other people in his life, touching on one of her bigger insecurities. He confirms that Hannah is not like Kennedy Monroe but neither is she like his stalkers. She is instead one of the few people who brings out the best in him just as he brings out the best in her.

“You can’t control the world—or other people. You can’t make them love you, either. They will or they won’t, and that’s the truth. But what you can do is decide who you want to be in the face of it all. Do you want to be a person who helps—or hurts? Do you want to be a person who burns with anger—or shines with compassion? Do you want to be hopeful or hopeless? Give up or keep going? Live or die?”

While Hannah’s speech is directed toward Wilbur as he threatens to kill himself, it also represents what Hannah needs to come to terms with in her own life. Hannah observes the irony of this juxtaposition even as she compares herself to Wilbur, who also hates himself for not feeling lovable just as she does.

“‘I just hate myself so much for not being loved.’ Oof. I absolutely got it. I made my voice soft. ‘You can’t make people love you. But you can give the love you long for out to the world. You can be the love you wish you had. That’s the way to be okay. Because giving love to other people is a way of giving it to yourself.’”

Hannah finally comes to terms with the lesson she has been slowly learning throughout the novel and notices the irony of her only accepting this message when faced with the man who has threatened to murder her. Confronted by the abject misery of a man whose inner anguish has compelled him to seize irrational control of the lives of others, Hannah is forced into a degree of self-reflection on the ways in which her search for control has sabotaged her own life over the years. Ultimately, she realizes that the only things she can control are her feelings and actions toward herself, which in turn reflects how well or poorly she will treat others.

“It’s as if loving somebody—really, bravely, just all-in loving somebody—is a doorway to something divine.”

Continuing to address the theme of Romantic Love as a Path to Self-Esteem, this quote also foregrounds how love is not merely a feeling but an action. Center emphasizes how this action is not easy but something that must be done “bravely,” for it also has rewards other than the intrinsic value of love.

“And, in the end, do you ever truly know for sure if you’re lovable? What a question. You don’t. You can’t. Of course not.”

Throughout The Bodyguard, Hannah repeatedly asks herself whether or not she is lovable. By admitting at the end that this question is not even relevant, Hannah reveals just how much character growth has occurred since she began to love Jack. In this way, she is also letting go of the strict control she attempted to have over her life by conceding that no one can ever know whether or not they are lovable. Instead, they can only appreciate the fact that they are loved, and consent likewise to have love and compassion for themselves.

“Maybe love isn’t a judgment you render—but a chance you take. Maybe it’s something you choose to do—over and over. For yourself. And everyone else. Because love isn’t like fame. It’s not something other people bestow on you. It’s not something that comes from outside. Love is something you do. Love is something you generate. And loving other people really does turn out, in the end, to be a genuine way of loving yourself.”

Early in the novel, Hannah often lets fate make decisions for her, believing that there is no other way to continue, so this quote is significant because it shows how love is something that she is finally allowed to choose. This quotation also demonstrates Center’s earlier suggestion that love is an action rather than a feeling, and thus, the final sentence of the excerpt directly sums up the author’s heretofore implicit argument that love for oneself and love for others are inextricably linked.