The End Of The Affair

Sarah and Henry celebrate VE Day, but Sarah does not like the peace. They watch the Royal Family appear on a balcony, and Sarah wishes she was with Bendrix. While cleaning out an old bag, Sarah finds Richard’s card and hopes that he can dissuade her from the existence of God, so she can return to her old life.

She visits Richard’s home in Cedar Road. After tea, they sit and chat about religion. Sarah tells Richard about “the bomb falling and the stupid vow” (57). Richard encourages Sarah to “leave the idea of God out of this. It’s just a question of your lover and your husband. Don’t confuse the thing with phantoms.” (57). Richard suggests that they meet for an hour each week to discuss Sarah’s religious issues and she agrees.

A month later, Sarah is reminding herself to be kind to Henry. One day, she visits a church without really thinking and details the interior decoration, which she hates. While sitting in the church, she thinks about her conversations with Richard and decides that he is—in some respects—correct, particularly his theory “about human beings inventing doctrines to satisfy their desires” (58). She ruminates on the idea of faith and materialism, always relating it back to Bendrix and Henry. She exits the church “in a flaming rage” (60).

On 10 January 1946, Sarah walks through the rain because she “couldn’t stand the house” (60). She remembers the pain of the night when the bomb fell and finds she arguing with God. As the rain soaks through her clothes, she finds herself drawn closer—in this moment—to God, “as though I nearly loved You” (60).

When she arrives home, she finds Henry and Bendrix waiting for her. It is the night from the opening chapter, when Henry first invited Bendrix into their home. Sarah believes that it is “the second time you had given him back” (60).

Eight days later, Sarah describes her lunch with Bendrix. She wonders whether this counts as breaking her promise and recalls the moment when, afterwards, he almost kissed her, but a coughing fit took hold. She wants to cry without being seen so enters the National Portrait Gallery, but there are too many people. She visits a church instead. “Dear God,” she prays, “I’m tired” (61).

Two weeks later, she sees Bendrix, but he does not see her. She has spent an hour with Richard and is struggling to process his philosophical arguments. Sarah feels “tired and hopeless” (61); she believes she is helping Richard more than he is helping her. She watches as Bendrix enters a familiar pub and debates whether she should follow him. Deciding against it, she goes home and Bendrix occupies her thoughts.

As she sits at home, Sarah fantasizes about leaving Henry for Bendrix, finally feeling “free and happy” (62). She walks across the Common, almost certain that she will do so. At home, Sarah begins to write a letter to Henry explaining the situation. In the letter, she confesses her ardent love for Bendrix. Then, she begins to pack, leaving the letter in the hall. Henry arrives home before she can finish, and Sarah places the letter into her pocket.

Henry seems “ill and harassed” (63), which he explains away by claiming that he has a bad headache. He says that he met with Bendrix for lunch. As Sarah takes Henry’s temperature, he tells her “I love you” (63) and that he cannot do without her. He begins to cry, though insists that nothing is wrong and admits that he hasn’t been “much of a husband” (63). Sarah feels her window of opportunity closing as Henry pleads with her not to leave. Sarah promises that she won’t leave. Henry has won, she realizes, and Bendrix has lost, and she hates Henry “for his victory” (63). Sarah goes upstairs and begins to write in her diary, recounting that she has purchased a cheap crucifix.

The next day, Henry takes the day off work and spends it with Sarah. It feels as though he was “a parent coming down to the school and taking the child out,” Sarah admits, “but he’s the child” (64).

The day after, Henry begins to plan a holiday abroad. Sarah dreads the upcoming trip; she “can't stand twenty-four hours of maps and Michelin guides” (64). The following day, as she sits with Richard, he rises from his chair and sits next to her on the sofa. Richard asks her to marry him, asking her to leave Henry for him. Sarah declines and leaves the house.

Over the coming days, Sarah admits that she tried to write a letter to God, who she addresses as “You” (65), but tore it up and threw it in her wastepaper bin. Bendrix returns again to the entry in which Sarah dreams of him at the top of a staircase.