The Life She Was Given

“The cat will be here when you get back. Now move it.”

Lilly’s connection to her cat, Abby, is the only meaningful one in her young life, and the devastating truth is that she will never see Abby again. Coralline lies to her here, as she knows they are headed to the circus, where Lilly will be abandoned for good.

“Most importantly of all, she had to remember that bad things would happen if she didn’t behave.”

Julia has internalized Coralline’s claim that all the “bad things” that have happened in their lives, including her father’s death, are Julia’s fault. Part of Julia’s coming-of-age story is reclaiming her identity and jettisoning this kind of toxic messaging by discovering and then living by her own values.

“But we take them in, all of them. Even people like you.”

Merrick is a controlling man who uses manipulative tactics to dominate the circus workers in the sideshow. Here, he wants to deceive Lilly into thinking he has altruistic motives for helping people with differences and disabilities. He makes it seem as if he’s doing Lilly a favor by letting her join the circus, but in reality, he will profit greatly off of her, often to her own detriment.

“Momma said I am an abomination. She said I’d make everyone sick and scared, that’s why I had to hide.”

This example of Coralline’s discrimination and mistreatment of Lilly shows the degree of abuse the young girl has experienced in her life up to now. Lilly’s belief that she is a monster and an “abomination” illustrates the theme of Family Secrets and Their Impact on Identity: Lilly has internalized her mother’s bigotry and religious extremism.

“Over the years, she had pulled herself apart, piece by piece, trying to understand why she felt so unloved, and why it always seemed as though her parents were keeping things from her.”

Julia is characterized as a curious, interested, and rational person, whose response to mystery is to investigate. Here, we see that this impulse could be either productive or destructive, depending on where it is aimed. Because Julia has always felt “unloved” and alone, she wants to understand “why”—but her initial exploration of the reasons was a maladaptive self-blame as she “pulled herself apart, piece by piece.” Only returning to Blackwood Manor gives her the opportunity to put the spotlight on the people who raised her instead, searching for what they were hiding and why they were “keeping things from her.”

“She wanted to know if she was the only mixed-up person in the world who felt completely and utterly alone.”

Julia’s feelings of loneliness and isolation are key facets of her characterization, but she seeks closeness and connection with others despite those difficulties. This is an example of her Resilience in the Face of Societal Stigma and Adversity because she can still love and be loved despite her emotionally abusive childhood.

“But what Mother didn’t know was that Julia planned on following the rules. Except this time, they were going to be her own.”

Julia’s reclamation of her agency and her coming into her own as a young woman happens when she starts to manage the house and farm according to her own ideas, no longer feeling beholden to her parents’ influence. This is a pivotal moment for her development as an independent person.

“You’re better off with us, even though it’s not the easiest life sometimes. […] And for the most part, you’ll be treated like a person.”

After Merrick takes Lilly to visit the state hospital to threaten her with what her life could look like if she disobeys him, Glory reassures her that life at the circus is preferable. This quote illustrates the importance of Glory and Lilly’s relationship: Glory is a mentor and mother figure to the young Lilly. The events at the hospital also underscore the historical reality that people with differences were often institutionalized or worse in the early to mid-20th century.

“She wasn’t numb. She felt like one of the lions or elephants, a caged animal being forced to perform.”

Lilly and the circus animals have in common the experience of being caged and made to perform for the enjoyment of others. Animals are symbols in the novel of important facets of Lilly’s development; here, her empathy for the lions and elephants demonstrates her understanding of both their plight and her own mistreatment at the hands of others.

“Whatever sins had been committed in the past would have to wait. Right now, the horses—her horses—needed her.”

Right after the pivotal plot twist when Julia discovers that the Blackwoods had a firstborn child, her sense of duty to the animals on her farm increases. The shift represents her growing awareness that the people who raised her were wrong about their approaches to the many beings under their care; responding to the “need” of the horses allows Julia to rectify the neglect with which the Blackwoods treated life on the farm.

“Never in a million years did she think she’d be riding an elephant across a pond. It felt like a dream.”

Lilly’s life takes on new meaning when she begins her romantic relationship with Cole and he introduces her to the magic of working with elephants. Due in part to her gift of connecting with these animals, the experience in the pond foreshadows the new act she will soon be the star of.

“Putting her foot down and saying what she thought was exhausting.”

This marks the first instance the Julia stands up for herself and her beliefs in her ownership of the farm, ushering in a new way of operating that runs counter to what Claude and the Blackwoods did. Rather than using the animals and maximizing profit, she will nurture the horses and protect them. It is a turning point for her evolution as a woman, but the “exhaustion” she feels shows how unfamiliar Julia is with expressing her thoughts rather than simply meekly going along with her abusers.

“You will, and I’m going to be the one to break you in.”

As the villain of the novel, Merrick attempts to exert his control over Lilly by trying to rape her. It is his most egregious effort to subvert her authority over her own body and choices; this action makes his eventual violent death feel earned and justified.

“The elephants were identical, right down to the button eye and braided tale made out of yarn.”

When Julia realizes that the patchwork elephant in the picture is the same one from her childhood bedroom, she suddenly has more questions about who the woman in the pictures is to her family. The stuffed elephant toy is also a significant symbol of Lilly’s love and care for her daughter.

“At midnight, Lilly lay down in Cole’s strong arms, amazed that her life had turned out so well.”

Despite the trauma of her childhood and difficult times at the circus, Lilly’s Resilience in the Face of Societal Stigma and Adversity allows her to overcome her emotionally stunted upbringing to experience authentic happiness with Cole after their wedding. Their relationship offers a hopeful contrast to most of the other relationships Lilly has known so far.

“The excitement of the audience felt like electricity running through her body, and instead of the fear of ridicule, she felt nothing but adoration.”

Lilly’s first experience in the ring with Pepper offers her something the sideshow acts never could—acceptance and approval from an audience interested in her skills and talent rather than in gawking at her physical difference.

“Her parents never talked about the past, so it should have come as no surprise that she knew nothing about the house.”

Blackwood Manor holds many secrets: Some are architectural, as its many passages and hallways make it a mazelike and confusing structure; others have to do with the Blackwood family’s past and the neglect and abuse the Blackwoods inflicted on their daughter and granddaughter. The dark, creaky, foreboding house is a standard trope of Gothic literature, in which it tends to represent the oppressive weight of past sins and crimes. In her quest to discover what her parents kept hidden, Julia must come to terms with the lies she believes about herself and her upbringing, which are physically represented in the home.

“I refuse to put my wife and unborn child in danger […] If something happens to her, you’ll lose the act for good.”

Out of protectiveness and love for Lilly, Cole stands up to Mr. Barlow and Merrick and prioritizes his family’s safety. Cole refuses to let these men endanger his family for profit.

“After all, the show must go on.”

Merrick first says this when he locks a newly arrived Lilly in the bathroom so that she doesn’t escape. Now, Lilly repurposes the show business phrase, taking it back from Merrick and wielding it as the professional performer that she is. She reminds herself that she has a job to do, even though she would rather stay home with her daughter. This statement illustrates both her dedication as a mother and her full assimilation into circus life.

“It was a mother’s instinct to protect her young no matter what it took, and Lilly would have done the same thing if someone tried to take Phoebe.”

Lilly demonstrates her understanding of animals and her connection to the maternal instinct Pepper displays when trying to stay with JoJo. Both her empathetic response to animals and her role as a mother are central facets of her characterization.

“Merrick had finally paid the ultimate price for being so cruel.”

When Pepper kills Merrick, Glory and Lilly feel that he got what he deserved, given his mistreatment of so many people and animals throughout the novel. That the elephant he often abused ends up killing him is poetic justice for his behavior.

“And now, no matter how awful it was, Julia was going to get to the bottom of it. Whether she wanted to or not, there was no going back now.”

Julia’s determination to find answers is central to who she is as a character, and her insistence on getting to the bottom of the mystery propels the narrative. The answers she learns not only form her identity more fully but also give a voice to Lilly’s tragic experiences and her love for her daughter.

“You have to give me a fighting chance. You owe me that much.”

Lilly’s plea to her father—to give Phoebe back and to take her to a hospital—falls on deaf ears as her father refuses to help her in a final act of betrayal. Mr. Blackwood does not truly want what’s best for his daughter and would rather watch her suffer than defy his wife. This decision is pivotal; it eats away at him for the rest of his life, ruining his relationship with Julia.