The Tell: A Memoir

Content Warning: This section of the guide contains graphic descriptions of rape, sexual assault, physical abuse, and child sexual abuse, and emotional abuse.

Under the influence of the MDMA session, the adult Amy felt as if she were watching a film of her younger self in the middle school bathroom, alone with Mr. Mason. During this past moment, she was on the floor of the bathroom, topless, and Mr. Mason stepped on her lower back with his cowboy boot, just where she had felt pain her whole life. At first, her younger self was sure that this couldn’t be real; Mr. Mason “was one of the good guys” (89), and she remembered him telling her that she was the school’s true leader after she lost the student council president position. 

The adult Amy then recalled Mr. Mason raping her in his classroom during a school dance, and again in the girl’s locker room. Her mind went to the day that she had been given the award for leadership and kindness. She remembered the fear she had felt and understood that she felt that way because she was “so afraid people would discover her secret” (92). Gently, the adult Amy told herself that she had done nothing wrong and let go of her shame and denial.