Wintergirls

Lia is released from the hospital two days before Christmas. Lia’s mother decides to send Lia back to New Seasons, the inpatient hospital where Lia has already been admitted twice before, but they won’t have a bed available for Lia for a week. Lia’s father picks Lia up from the hospital. As they’re driving Lia asks when she can see Emma. Lia promised Emma they’d bake cookies, wrap presents, sing carols, and play in the snow. Lia’s father says that Lia can’t see Emma for a while, explaining, “You won’t be seeing Emma until you’re better. Maybe that will give you some incentive. If you won’t try for yourself, try for her” (229). Lia’s father tells her she’ll be staying at her mother’s house until they have a bed available for her at New Seasons.

At her mother’s house, Lia learns that a nurse will stay at the house to watch Lia whenever her mother isn’t home. After Lia’s father leaves, Lia’s mother repeats to Lia that she will be admitted to New Seasons in a week. In the meantime, Lia’s mother and the nurse will make sure Lia eats and takes her medication. Lia responds, “Stop bullying me. It’s my life. I can do what I want” (233), to which Lia’s mother replies, “Not if you’re killing yourself!” (233). Lia’s mother claims Lia doesn’t want to get better, but if they don’t intervene, Lia will die.

After their fight, Lia’s mother apologizes. Lia’s mother sniffs Lia’s head. Lia asks what she is doing. Lia’s mother explains that in medical school, she learned that mothers can identify their newborns by smell. Lia’s mother thought that sounded stupid until she had Lia and realized she loved the way Lia smelled, and would smell Lia all the time when Lia was a baby. Lia decides this behavior isn’t weird, it’s sweet. That evening, Lia obediently eats an electrolyte-replacement fluid and a banana.

The next morning, Lia thinks, “Thinking about Emma makes me want to pull out my stitches with a pair of pliers. They should burn me at the stake for what I did to her” (239). Lia’s mother calls Lia downstairs and introduces her to Nurse Melissa, who will be watching Lia during the day. Lia eats breakfast. An hour later, Nurse Melissa watches Lia urinate. A plastic container in the toilet measures Lia’s urine so they can monitor that she is eating and drinking. Lia tells Nurse Melissa she is not getting paid enough for this.

In the afternoon, Jennifer gives Lia a ride to her therapist, Dr. Parker’s office. Jennifer won’t speak to Lia during the drive. As Lia is getting out of the car, Jennifer takes Lia’s arm. Jennifer tells Lia that she loves her, and that when she married Lia’s father, she promised to love Lia like her own daughter. But ever since Emma found Lia in the bathroom, Emma has been having nightmares. Jennifer wants Lia to tell her therapist she wants to continue living with her mother for the time being. Jennifer doesn’t want Lia around Emma for a while. Jennifer says, “I can’t let you destroy Emma, too” (242).

Lia is alone in the waiting room outside Dr. Parker’s office. Cassie appears across from Lia. Cassie tells Lia, “You don’t deserve to live […] Use a bigger knife next time. Cut deeper. Get it over with” (243). Lia tells Cassie “I don’t think I want to die” (243). Cassie comes closer to Lia and tells her that she’s fat and that her parents don’t want her. Cassie says, “The only think you’re good at is starving, but you can’t even do that right” (244).

Dr. Parker comes into in the waiting room and asks Lia if she is ready.

In Dr. Parker’s office, Lia doesn’t speak for 15 minutes. Finally, she tells Dr. Parker that her stitches hurt. Lia also mentions that she can smell burnt cookies. Dr. Parker says she can’t smell anything and asks Lia to describe it. Lia says the smell of cookies—“Ginger, cloves, and sugar” (246)—always appears right before Cassie appears to her. Lia explains that ever since her grandmother’s funeral, she’s been able to see ghosts. Lia tells Dr. Parker about seeing Cassie lately, and how it has made Lia stop taking her pills, self-harm, and exercise in secret at night. Dr. Parker asks Lia if she’s ever told her parents about seeing ghosts, but Lia responds that her parents don’t see her and would just try to fix her instead of hearing her issues. Lia goes on to explain that Cassie is trying to kill her. Lia says Cassie is out in the waiting room working on a crossword puzzle; Lia claims if Dr. Parker checks the crossword in the magazine, she’ll see where Cassie wrote ‘bind’ when the answer is supposed to be ‘oath.’

Dr. Parker tells Lia she is proud of her for making so much progress during their session. Dr. Parker asks Lia for permission to share her session notes. Lia agrees. Dr. Parker says New Seasons may be the wrong place for Lia and suggests she may be better suited for a psychiatric-care facility. Dr. Parker leads Lia back into the waiting room so Lia can wait for Jennifer to pick her up.

Cassie has disappeared from Dr. Parker’s waiting room. Lia thinks, “[Dr. Parker] wants me in a box the size of a diagnosis” (251). Lia knew three girls at New Seasons who spent time in psych wards, and who described padded walls, padded restraints, and heavy medication. Lia thinks Dr. Parker has her own version of reality that is different from Lia’s and that if she were to admit that Lia’s version was real, then her therapeutic advice would be what’s fake. Lia worries, “If they shrink my head any more, or float me away on an ocean of pills, I will never return” (253).

Jennifer still hasn’t come to pick Lia up. It is snowing hard, and Lia knows Jennifer doesn’t like to drive in the snow. Lia tries calling Jennifer and her father, but no one answers. Finally, Lia calls a cab. Lia takes the cab to a pizza place, and then takes the pizza to the motel. Lia knocks on Elijah’s door and asks him to let her in the room.

In Elijah’s motel room, Lia tells Elijah that her father kicked her out and her mother is making her follow strict rules. Lia asks Elijah if she can come with him when he heads out of town. Elijah says he just has to finish locking up the motel for the winter and then he plans to leave the next day. Lia says she has emptied her bank account and can help drive and pay for gas during the trip. Elijah says he isn’t sure, he is used to traveling alone. Lia continues to ask Elijah if she can come along but passes out mid-sentence.